square one ... steady goin' back to the source

Downloaded a copy of my ebook today with the intention of loadin' on the site, but couldn't figure it out ... will probably call tech support tomorrow if i get a chance but i on days n twelves at that so we'll see. Tryin' to aggregate all my content in one place. i know its all clumsy and forced but i doin' the best i can with the knowledge and resources i got. But i guess all that really means is a lack of understanding. And maybe totin' around a crushing burden 24/7. If you only knew. But then i don't want you to because that would be evidence of my ignorance (to ignore) and stupidity (to be stupefied). That might prove "shameful" to my "self". On the other hand ...

i was listenin' to a friend the other day talkin' 'bout folks in  humiliating positions when i asserted "i like to get my fuckups out in the open quick as i can so the sooner i can repair and progress". (i steady drivin' for infrequency of event but acclompishin' the opposite.)  But once again ...

This whole thing just my education. So probably a whole lotta grinding failure punctuated by a transcendent moment ever so often. Anyway, it don't matter ... well, yeah, i mean but only in a material way. And don't try to tell the material is all that matters. i would propose the opposite. That it is the unseen and unknowable that is the only thing that could possibly create ... er, i mean matter. It'll always by that way 'cause the deeper we go the further we push the boundary. At least until we achieve singularity. (hrmmmph cough.)

Thats like when the guy reaches out to touch the mirror and his hand passes to the other side like there is nothing there. Could that be why the cosmos we detect is apparently empty of class one civilizations? Is the transition so difficult? Surely some folks will pass through if we start locally immediately to build a structure to bridge the collapse. Maybe we can do even better than that.

guitar

If ya see me playin guitar an' it sounds mechanical and uninspired, its precisely 'cause i still workin' on the mechanics of it. I played for a couple years 'bout 35 years ago and reached a higher level than i got now. In june '10 i got a beginners rig an' when i got home with it and tried to play i thought "this is a mistake", my mind still knew some stuff but my hand didn't even want to cooperate. But i did some grunt work for a while (keepin' in mind i was workin' 6 and 7 twelve hour days a week) and slowly got some bit of feelin' back. Now the darn thing been in the pawn shop awhile but i will never give up simply 'cause i love a guitar too much, the feel of it, the sounds - as primitive and crude as they may be.