Monday, April 30, 2012

... just another suicide note ...


Just because i don' want my death to be a surprise, don' mean i wanna plan it either.

Part One here. Wow. The more things change, the more they stay the same. Anybody may look and judge 'better' or 'worse', but what i would say is just more intense.

My basic premise, my default mode always goin' back ta 'self' sacrifice, death, similar to the death of the 'self' so eloquently expressed over at Actual Freedom.

So, goin' on 'bout a year and a half, i lookin' back an' sayin' "Who was that fool? Me? What was i thinkin'?" Prob'ly somethin' like this here ... i thinkin' deep down inside me ...

Life one helluva beauty and abundance sometimes too hard to bear, 'specially with the attendant pain and suffering. But Hey! It really aint no problem. I see the exit door right there. An' all along i been tryin' ta point at the door as if it were humanity's saving grace ('cause i know its mine!).

Now. I aint really ready to go through that door willingly. But, well ... FUCK YEAH! I'LL GO THROUGH THAT DOOR! RIGHT HERE AND NOW. GODDAMMIT.

Its the same thing, not digitally or virtually but actually. All i gotta do is look around me and see the world without me innit. Thats the death of 'me'.

Its so much easier, nothing to do, nothing to be, nothing to say. Nothing to strive for. No effort. Also, nothing to fear. Thats freedom. Not being 'there' in the world.

'Cause basically i already see how, in the sense that the cosmos is momentary, i not all the way here now anyway, like a spiral whiff of smoke. Or rather i see when 'i' aint here, the bodymind fully present, inextricably embedded in the environment.

The 'self', mediating the energy/information flow between bodymind and environment, impedes the flow. This block produces excess stress and system failure.

I mean it fully understood, right? I mean by everybody already, right?

Our financial system is crumblin' all around us, taking our survival structures down with it.

We live in a totalitarian police state that is sending out autonomous assasin robot swarms and has the ability to surveil throughout the whole of space and time and has a set of charges prepared for us on demand.

The chaotic climate changes we have initiated are essentially unstoppable, so we fixin' to be livin' in a different biosphere. Will it be fit for human survival?

Its NOT understood by everybody. If it was, we would have less to fear. It IS understood by a select group of circle jerk eggheads. They understand the dilemma up and down, inside and out and they'll be more than happy ta tell ya all 'bout it.

So there aint really no mo' mysteries left. The mysteries that are left are all irrelevant, except one. How the hell we (we being my children and grandchildren) gonna survive? Not by tellin' the same old stories.

And we can't trust the authorities. The power of authorities, power we grant, controls human beings by pushin' emotional hotspot buttons in our brain - ourselves - images, ideas, glory and fear, violence and chemicals, social and psychological techniques - essentially blatant war tactics ... what happens when 'we' learn to push 'our' own buttons? Like rats in a cage, we kill ourselves.

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